Peace of mind & piece of my mind

I haven't actually blogged in quite some time. So all these thoughts and feelings have just kept bottling up inside and right now I feel like I'm about to burst. It's crazy. I'm crazy. Maybe a little of both, who knows?

1) Why are you acting like that? What have I ever done to you? Nothing, absolutely nothing. And this is how you treat me? Like shit? Wow, you've changed over a course of two years. So much. It scares me a bit. You used to be so good, so nice, so fun, so YOU. Now? I barely even know who you are anymore. You walk around as if you own the place and your attitude towards things is constantly "I don't give a fuck" You know what? I don't miss you. I miss the OLD you.

2) Back the F off, boy. You're such a creeper. Don't ever, ever, ever try that crap on me again. I thought you were a pretty nice guy. But now I can clearly see that you're just like the rest of them. Trying to get into my pants. Apologize all you want, it won't change what you tried to do. You totally opened my eyes. Thank you for that.

3) I miss you. So, so, so, so, so, so, etc... much. I have so much to update you on. Man, we're best friends. I feel like I haven't really talked to you in so long. Phone me soon, or I'll phone you. Whatever happens first.

4) You are the biggest hypocrite. You tell someone you don't want them to do something, yet you do it yourself... excessively, too. I thought we were close. I thought we could talk about anything. You've changed the most. I don't like it... and right now... I don't like you very much, either. I am always so nice to you, and this is the thanks I get? It seems to me its been an on going pattern that's happening. How about I help you out? You can just stop this pattern, I'm done with you. Until you start acting like how a friend should act, GOOD BYE.

5) Annoying. Critic. Loser. That's what you are. Stop it. Just STOP. The way you act, the way you think you're so cool, the way you say "ok". Enough. I've had it. We were never friends in the first place, so what made you think I was then? Quit the act already, nobody would pay to see your show anyway.

6) Cuuuutie :$ You know the saying 'opposites attract'. Could you possibly be my opposite? Maybe. We're just so different, or so it seems. I'm just so extremely paranoid this is all one big dare to embarrass me. I just can't seem to open my heart anymore. Or maybe it's so open and vulnerable I just can't feel anything anymore? I don't even know. Whatever you do, please don't break my heart.... If that's the case.

7) PDA PDA PDA PDA. Make it stop. At least next time be a little more considerate when you two are going to suck face like that in public -- supply us all with some barf bags, please. We don't want to see that, nobody does. Keep it between you two. Do us all a favour and go and get a room.

8) You used to be such a big part of my life, such a big part of what makes me, ME. What happened? A disappearing act, that's what. It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. But, I do miss you. I miss seeing you. I miss talking to you and spilling out my thoughts to you. Long story short: I miss it all.

9) I worry about you, a lot. And no, I'm not a hypocrite. I'm just safe. You on the otherhand, not so much. You need some more self-control. You can't just spend your weekends doing that. It's not safe. I only say these things to you because you make me worry and I worry about the people I care about, so please, just be safe. I'd feel terrible if something ever happened to you. I wouldn't be able to go on feeling somewhat responsible.

10) I really hope you don't like me. But, it sort of kind of maybe seems like you do. I would never do anything to hurt you intentionally, I hope you know that. But if there are any existing underlying feelings, I won't be able to return them. I'm sorry. I love you, but just not that way.

-- Whoa. That just took a ton of my chest. No joke. Man, this what I get when I go to the library in hopes to get a good deal of homework/studying done. I do this. It felt good though.